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Present Moment, Unusual Crisis, 77
"Present moment, Unusual crisis, 77"
Every Monday and Wednesday afternoon, I see these words on the wall of the stairwell as I trek up to the third floor for History of the Protestant Reformation in Germany. These words always seem to fit my mood (slightly panicked) as I walk up the stairs. I know I haven't been talking to many of you lately, but this quarter ahd been very difficult for me. I came to an all-time low around a week ago, but I have since decided to try being more positive.
Getting back to the Reformation, those of you that I have been in contact with know that I have become obsessed (in a completely non-creepy way) with my professor. He is brilliant. In every class, I want to record what he is saying, and while I have a hard time with the subject matter of the course, I have learned so much about the study of history itself. His lectures (which often give way to fantastic tangents) constantly raffirm my desire to study history. In short, Constantin Fasolt is amazing. I wish that I were braver in class, and I wish that I could think up something profound to say. I wish I could express how much I love the course and how highly I think of him. However, I generally just sit in silence, listening. The class is fairly large (around 40 students) with mainly upper-calssmen and a few grad students (I am the only first-year student) so maybe it's understandable. However, it is incredibly frustrating.
This past quarter involved a lot of frustration. Ashamedly, I had several break downs. Generally, by myself or on the phone with my mom or Emma. I can't think of any other way to put this: this school is incredibly hard. I get very frustrated here. It is very hard to be constantly surrounded by people who are either a) brilliant or b) excellent at bullshitting being brilliant. It's going to take a lot for me to label someone as pretentious after being at this school. To give you all an idea, people talk about philosophy and discrete math at dinner. I have gotten used to not having anything to say at meals. Often times, I have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. I am beginning to be ok with this, but being around people who never shut off is very trying.
Not all of this quarter had been bad. I lucked out in my dorm and have found several friends that I love being with (who are not pretentious...though a few are what I like to call 'accessibly arrogant'). I am also increasingly proud of my ability to get around Chicago. The past two weekends I have gone out by myself and explored the city. Two weeks ago, I went all the way up to the Northside to photograph the Ba'hai Temple. It was stunning, but it took forever to get to. Also, coming back at night makes the already sketchy Red Line even more sketch. I had a near miss at my stop that caused me to run across four lanes of traffic to catch a bus (if I hadn't, I would have been waiting alone at the bus stop at night...and there were several questionable looking people nearby). Last weekend, I took my history reading downtown and read in Moonstruck cafe. I almost felt at home. Afterwards, I found my way to Trader Joe's (which also made me feel at home) and then managed to get back to the dorm before dark.
Anyways, I wanted to give you guys an update and tell you all that I miss you. I hope all of you in college are adjusting well, and that those of you who are seniors aren't slipping too badly into senioritis.
Love,
Jen
calmEvery Monday and Wednesday afternoon, I see these words on the wall of the stairwell as I trek up to the third floor for History of the Protestant Reformation in Germany. These words always seem to fit my mood (slightly panicked) as I walk up the stairs. I know I haven't been talking to many of you lately, but this quarter ahd been very difficult for me. I came to an all-time low around a week ago, but I have since decided to try being more positive.
Getting back to the Reformation, those of you that I have been in contact with know that I have become obsessed (in a completely non-creepy way) with my professor. He is brilliant. In every class, I want to record what he is saying, and while I have a hard time with the subject matter of the course, I have learned so much about the study of history itself. His lectures (which often give way to fantastic tangents) constantly raffirm my desire to study history. In short, Constantin Fasolt is amazing. I wish that I were braver in class, and I wish that I could think up something profound to say. I wish I could express how much I love the course and how highly I think of him. However, I generally just sit in silence, listening. The class is fairly large (around 40 students) with mainly upper-calssmen and a few grad students (I am the only first-year student) so maybe it's understandable. However, it is incredibly frustrating.
This past quarter involved a lot of frustration. Ashamedly, I had several break downs. Generally, by myself or on the phone with my mom or Emma. I can't think of any other way to put this: this school is incredibly hard. I get very frustrated here. It is very hard to be constantly surrounded by people who are either a) brilliant or b) excellent at bullshitting being brilliant. It's going to take a lot for me to label someone as pretentious after being at this school. To give you all an idea, people talk about philosophy and discrete math at dinner. I have gotten used to not having anything to say at meals. Often times, I have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. I am beginning to be ok with this, but being around people who never shut off is very trying.
Not all of this quarter had been bad. I lucked out in my dorm and have found several friends that I love being with (who are not pretentious...though a few are what I like to call 'accessibly arrogant'). I am also increasingly proud of my ability to get around Chicago. The past two weekends I have gone out by myself and explored the city. Two weeks ago, I went all the way up to the Northside to photograph the Ba'hai Temple. It was stunning, but it took forever to get to. Also, coming back at night makes the already sketchy Red Line even more sketch. I had a near miss at my stop that caused me to run across four lanes of traffic to catch a bus (if I hadn't, I would have been waiting alone at the bus stop at night...and there were several questionable looking people nearby). Last weekend, I took my history reading downtown and read in Moonstruck cafe. I almost felt at home. Afterwards, I found my way to Trader Joe's (which also made me feel at home) and then managed to get back to the dorm before dark.
Anyways, I wanted to give you guys an update and tell you all that I miss you. I hope all of you in college are adjusting well, and that those of you who are seniors aren't slipping too badly into senioritis.
Love,
Jen
apathetic
pensive
